did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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