Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You were trust falling into bushes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
