You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
your room smells of hookers.
And success
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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