She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
