I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
