Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
