well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
