I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
where are my eyebrows?
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