i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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