Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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