what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
