I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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