Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
