We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
