By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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