Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
