the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
