I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
