Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This baby is an asshole
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
