Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
