I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
