Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
