i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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