plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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