I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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