Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
