i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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