yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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