no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
