Apparently you make a good broom.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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