You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Randomize
