We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
