she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
