people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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