My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
