So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
