Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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