imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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