Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I came so hard my ears popped.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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