my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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