One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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