he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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