A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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