Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
