I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
