Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
