I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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