I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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