Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
