He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You just made me feel so damn special
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
