Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
