We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
