idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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