I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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