Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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