3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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