My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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