Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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