How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
