I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
