i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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