I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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