He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
