If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
