I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
