I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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