i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
