I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
