So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
