his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
