so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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