I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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